after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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