Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
