he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
