At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
