So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
