She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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