He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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