lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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