he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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