Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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