When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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