I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
