My nipple is on Facebook.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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