He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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