I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
