I need help removing her.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
