The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
