we have pet lesbian snakes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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