It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
