My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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