3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
