Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
