How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
