I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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