So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
