dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
