I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I touched a dick in church today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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