he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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