If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
