She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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