I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
