Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
