i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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