I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
