just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
