I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
