I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
