Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
