oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think brook has ever known best
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
