eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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