my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
