I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
