you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
