If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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