My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
