I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
