Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
