I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
