I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
