The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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