just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just pee around me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
