everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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