Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
