just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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