Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
