dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
